Akatsuki Havoc
by x Kurohime x Koroshiya x
Summary: When Katana crashes into the Akatsuki HideOut, Itachi is put in charge of her. She causes endless amounts of chaos for the Akatsuki members. Will she get away with it every time, or will Itachi eventually 'punish' her. ItachiXOC. Rated 'M', just in case.
1. 1 : Katana

**_Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO/NARUTO SHIPPUUDEN, NOR DO I OWN ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS! _**

_Also, a special thanks to Aozame and Lexxy-hime for their reviews! 33_

* * *

The Akatsuki hide-out was silent. Each member was in his (or her, in Konan's case) room. Everything was peaceful, until a crash was heard.

"WOO-HOO!"

The Akatsuki members left their rooms, and rushed down to the living room, which was the source of all the noise. Pein pushed his way through the crowd of Akatsuki members, and stopped once he reached the front, in between Itachi and Konan. Before their very eyes was a girl, no older than 17 years old.

"Who are you?" asked Pein, his tone commanding, and his eyes cold. The girl merely smirked.

"I am… Katana! The ruler of the universe! KNEEL BEFORE ME!" she yelled, pointing at them all. Pein looked at Konan, who was looking back at him.

"What should we do with her?" asked Konan, glancing at Katana, who was staring at the ceiling, and counting the tiles. Pein sighed in frustration, and looked at the Akatsuki members.

"Well?" he asked them, obviously needing their help for this decision. Sasori stepped forward.

"Well, why not just keep her here? She's obviously mentally deranged and couldn't possibly pose any threat to us..." he said, trailing off at the sound of the clearing of a throat. He looked and saw Deidara pointing at Katana, who was shooting at the flower pots with a paint gun. Sasori looked at Kisame, who raised an eyebrow.

"It's only a paint-" he started, but the rest of his sentence was unheard, as the paint had exploded everything it had touched.

"She's cool, hmm." Stated Deidara. Itachi glanced at him, and Hidan raised an eyebrow.

"You only say that because she likes to blow things up." He scoffed, looking at Katana with interest. Itachi remained uninterested, until she disappeared.

"Where did she go?!" yelled Konan, panicking. Itachi pointed to the ceiling above him. Everyone looked up, and saw her standing upside-down on the ceiling.

"I'm cooler than you." She stated, flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes.

"MARRY ME, HMM!" yelled Deidara, trying to jump up to get her. She screamed and punched him in the face, sending him flying to the other end of the room. Then, she giggled.

"Bye-bye, Birdie!" she cooed, waving maniacally at him.

* * *

Deidara: SHE LIKES TO BLOW THINGS UP! YAY! - 

Me: ... Yes, she does...

Katana: I WANNA BLOW UP DEIDARA! o

Deidara: MARRY ME!

Me: ... Masochist. ¬.¬


	2. 2 : Itachi's POV

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO/NARUTO SHIPPUDEN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**_

_I would like to thank Aozame and Lexxy-hime again for their reviews!! 33_

* * *

Itachi was getting very annoyed. If Katana didn't have the potential as an Akatsuki member, he would have literally killed her for being so annoying. She was acting like Tobi and Deidara combined! 

He watched as she continued to blow things up and bounce around. Did she ever run out of energy? Though, he had to admit to himself… It was kinda cute… Of course, he'd never admit it out loud.

Suddenly, Katana disappeared. Itachi turned around to see her right behind him with a tangerine. He raised an eyebrow delicately. Katana smirked at him.

"You're too quiet, Itachi-face!" she yelled, shaking the tangerine at him, before popping the whole thing into her mouth.

"Mmmm… Tangerine-y goodness!" she squealed, skipping off. Itachi had no choice but to follow her, being stuck in charge of her and all.

He mentally slapped himself when he saw her bouncing up and down energetically, pointing and glaring at Zetsu.

"EVIL CANNIBAL! I SHALL FEED YOU TO THE LLAMAS!" she yelled. Zetsu was staring at her. Itachi assumed that Zetsu had tried to eat her.

"Zetsu." called out Itachi in a calm voice. Zetsu walked away. Katana stared at Itachi, and bounced over to him.

"I-TA-CHI!" she sang, jumping on him and nuzzling his neck.

Itachi's normal reaction towards a gesture like this would have been to… Well… Kill the person. However, he couldn't bring himself to kill Katana. This was mostly because he wasn't allowed to kill her.

Instead, Itachi waited.

And waited.

And waited.

It was midnight before Katana let go.

"I'm hungry!" she squeaked, and bounced off towards the kitchen. Itachi's eye twitched as he followed her.

* * *

Zetsu: ... Why did you make me try to eat Katana?

Me: Well, just for fun. This story is meant to be _humor_ous after all. -

Itachi: But, you're pairing me with some crazy randomer who I wouldn't really go for...

Me: That's what makes this fic so mental. You, Itachi, are being paired with a crazy randomer! -

Itachi: Although, she's your sugar-high side, isn't she... -.-

Me: ... Well... Yes... But, my sugar-high side doesn't last for that long. Mostly because I'm cutting down on how much sugar I have. After the 'crazy, hyper, bouncy' stage, you become depressed for no reason and have killer head-aches. Sugar is like a drug... :-/

Itachi: When you're hyper, I'm actually terrified of you, though. Whereas, I actually want to KILL Katana. ¬.¬

Me: Not in my story, you don't:-) Riiiight?? -evil smile-

Itachi: ... Of course... -twitches-

Me: I sooooo win at life. 8-)


	3. 3 : Raaaaape!

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO/NARUTO SHIPPUDEN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**_

_I would like to thank Aozame, Lexxy-hime and Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat again for their reviews!! 33_

* * *

In the kitchen, Itachi and Katana found Konan and Pein in a very odd position… And without clothes. Obviously, they'd just done the 'act of love'.

"EWWWWW!! BABY-MAKING!" yelled Katana, hiding behind Itachi, who was looking away uninterestedly. Katana looked up at Itachi.

"Are you a virgin?"

Pein and Konan, now fully dressed, looked at Itachi.

"Are you?" asked Pein, his rough voice betraying his curiosity. Konan smirked as Itachi glared at the hyperactive new girl.

"Hn."

Katana grinned victoriously.

"YOU ARE!" she yelled, running around.

"ITACHI IS A VIRGINNNNNNNNN!" she yelled all around the house.

Itachi smirked as he went after her. He never said he was a virgin, and he was going to prove it to the idiotic girl, who clearly was a virgin herself.

Once he caught up to her, he used his special unknown jutsu, and took her away to his room.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAPEEEEEE!" could be heard all around the hide out.

Funny thing is, Katana was actually being 'raped' by Itachi.

* * *

Me: Yeah, I'm not actually gonna put in a lemon, because firstly, I'm terrible at lemons, and secondly, I feel weird about writing sex scenes. -sweatdrop-

Itachi: I... Raped... Her...?

Katana: I was willing:D

Me: Hehe... -sweatdrop- Yeah, it wasn't actually rape. Katana could have easily stopped you with a bomb if she'd wanted to.

Itachi: -glares- I hate you.

Me: Do you really? -holds up knife-

Itachi: -blinks in surprise- No, actually. I love you, right now... -grabs K-K's arm and drags her off-

Katana: What about meeeeeee? -sniffles, then starts blowing things up- YAY!

Deidara: MARRY ME, UN!!!!!

Katana: NOOOOO!


	4. 4 : Fish

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO/NARUTO SHIPPUDEN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**_

_I would like to thank Aozame, Lexxy-hime, Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat and The-New-Akatsuki-Leader again for their reviews!! 33_

* * *

Katana was dancing all around the Akatsuki hide-out with a spatula in her hand, singing along to her MP3 player. 

"It's my life! It's now or never! I ain't gonna live forever!" ((DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN BON JOVI OR HIS SONGS OR HIS LYRICS!!))

Suddenly, Sasori appeared in front of her.

"Shut UP."

Katana stuck her tongue out and threw a bomb at Sasori. He was blown all the way to the other end of the hide-out.

Katana smiled.

"Oh, Itachiiiiiii!"

Itachi appeared with Kisame. Both had a few scratches on them.

"Rough mission?"

Katana sounded concerned. Key word is 'sounded'.

"Hn."

Obviously, that was Itachi.

"Yeah."

Kisame.

"Hey, wanna know something interesting?" asked Katana slyly. Itachi held in a sigh, and Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

((DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN WHAT KATANA IS ABOUT TO SAY!! I GOT IT OFF A FAN-ART, WHICH I ALSO DO NOT OWN!!!))

"Kisame is a Shark, yeah! A Shark is a kind of Fish! So, Kisame is a FISH!" she said happily, smiling like a maniac.

Kisame glared, and Itachi sweatdropped.

"Kisame… You're a fish, un…?" came Deidara's voice.

"I AM NOT A FISH!!!!!!"

* * *

Me: Haha, Kisame is a fish! n.n

Kisame: I'm gonna kill you, K-K!!!!!! -glares-

Itachi: Kisame. You touch her, you die. -evil look-

Katana: WHEE!!! I LOVE BON JOVIIIIIII! It's my liiiife!!!!

Itachi: Why are you pairing me up with her...? WHY?! -slaps his forehead-

Me: Because it's amusing. Now, shut up and take it like a man! Or I'll make Kisame gay for you in the next chapter!!!!

Itachi: -shuts up and takes it like a man- I said nothing.

Me: Good! -smiles triumphantly-


	5. 5 : Moose

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO/NARUTO SHIPPUDEN OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**_

_I would like to thank Aozame, Lexxy-hime, Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat and The-New-Akatsuki-Leader again for their reviews!! 33_

* * *

Katana sat boredly in the living room.

"Why am I waiting again?" she asked herself in a squeaky voice.

"You're waiting for Hidan to walk in here with your new pet Moose." Replied Sasori dully.

"A moose, un? Why, un?" asked Deidara, his brows furrowing in confusion. Katana smiled.

"Because my moose is a goose with a loose moose!" she replied, trying to sound 'intellectual'. Deidara sweatdropped and Sasori sighed.

"Why do we bother trying to make any sense out of what this retard says?" he asked himself, massaging his temples.

"CHEESE! GLORIOUS CHEESE!" shouted Katana, standing up as Hidan walked in with a Moose plushie. Katana threw a bomb at him.

"I ORDERED A MOOSE! NOT A TOY MOOSE!! RAWRRRR!" she roared, throwing bombs everywhere.

"ITACHI! Control your girl!" ordered Pain. Itachi walked in, and grabbed Katana's arm.

"Come along. We're going to have sex." He stated dully.

"YAY!" cheered Katana.

* * *

Itachi: Why are you doing this to me?

Me: -holds up dango-

Itachi: Oh, right, for that... Curse my love for dango!

Me: Ahem, so you don't love Katana?

Katana: -holds up a bomb-

Itachi: I HATE Katana. -glares-

Katana: -throws the bomb at Deidara- A MOOSE!

Deidara: Ow, un...

Itachi: ... -sighs- ...

Me: You gotta love me for this. -smiles-

Itachi: When I find a way to enter the real world, I will hunt you down and make you sorry.

Me: I'm looking forward to it. -grin-

Itachi: ... -smirks-


	6. 6: Monkey!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of it's characters.

A special thanks to Lexxy- hime, Aozame, Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat, The-New-Akatsuki-Leader, beamingatyou, and Miorochi for their amazing reviews!

* * *

"BATMAN! NA-NA-NA-NA! NA-NA-NA-NA! BATMAN!" screeched Katana into Konan's ear. Konan shrieked in pain and fell out of her seat at the dining table.

Itachi watched with an annoyed expression. Tobi's facade was slowly slipping due to his irritation.

"WHEE!" screamed Katana, shooting at everyone will an egg gun. An egg broke on Itachi's head, and the yolk was cooked on the heat radiating due to his anger.

Katana laughed maniacally.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ITACHI COOKED AN EGG ON HIS HEAD!" she hollered.

"Katana, un! Marry me!" cried Deidara, jumping out from no where and glomping her.

"YARG! I'm being attacked by an EVIL MONKEY OF DOOM! ITACHI! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A MONKEY! YARG!" she screamed, shooting Deidara will a paint gun repeatedly, until he was on the ground, and unconcious from all the hits.

"Monkey go boom...?" said Katana slyly, grinning widely as the paint stains exploded.

"Bye, bye, MONKEY!" she cooed.

Itachi stood up, after a look from Pein.

"Pein-sama isn't very happy with what you keep doing to Deidara, and as your Guardian, I must punish you."

"Punishment sex?" asked Katana, grinning widely. Itachi sighed, and grabbed her arm, dragging her off.

Kakuzu looked at Zetsu.

"I guess that's a yes?"

* * *

Me: ... Itachi... Calm... Breathe... o.o

Itachi: -glaring- ... This is ridiculous...

Me: Eh... Umm... Katana help!

Katana: ... Monkeys!

Itachi: -growls-

Me: -gives Itachi a hug- Pweeze? Or I WILL make Kisame gay for you.

Itachi: ... You will regret it, one day... Hn. -smirk-

Me: Never, ever, ever. -smiles cheekily-


	7. 7: Jealousy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of its characters.**

_A special thanks to __Lexxy- hime__, __Aozame__, __Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat__, __The-New-Akatsuki-Leader__, __beamingatyou__, __Miorochi,__Moonlightnin,__ and __Kwolf425__ for their amazing reviews! _

* * *

Katana was running around the Akatsuki hide-out as if she were in frenzy.

"DEIDARA WANTS TO RAPE ME!!! AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY!" she exclaimed, anime-tears pouring out of her eyes, creating a river in the building. Deidara was chasing her with a bunch of clay flowers.

"MARRY ME, UN! You always have sex with Itachi! Why not with me, un?!" yelled Deidara, totally oblivious to the fact that she just didn't like him.

Konan was sitting in the living room, making out with Pain, when Katana ran through the couch they were sitting on, making Konan fall on top of Deidara as he attempted to follow her. Konan punched Deidara on the face and stood up, glancing at a very angry Pain. He glared at Deidara.

"… SASORI." Pain called out, never taking his eyes off the frightened Deidara. Sasori walked in with Katana on his back.

"PIGGY-BACK!" she yelled happily.

"Sasori, take Deidara to HER." Pain commanded. Sasori smirked as Deidara's eyes widened in fear.

"NO! NOT TO HER! NOT TO THAT DOMINATRIX, UN!" protested Deidara as Katana jumped off Sasori's back, letting Sasori capture Deidara and take him away.

"SAVE ME, KATANA MY LOVE, UN!" yelled Deidara, his voice trailing off as he disappeared with Sasori. Katana giggled and looked at Pain and Konan.

"Konan was on top of Dei-dei." She giggled. Pain glared at Katana, and then looked at Konan with an evil smile. Konan gulped.

"Katana pushed me!" she protested. Pain chuckled darkly and took Konan's arm, dragging her off.

Katana giggled and skipped off. She spotted Itachi and glomped him. Taking out her paint ball gun, she began shooting at random places and blowing them up.

"WHEEEE!" she yelled, giggling maniacally. Itachi sighed, and grabbed her by the arm.

"Katana, what are you doing? Do you know how much it cost to repair everything after last time you blew everything up?"

"YES! 50 trillion monkey bubbles!" she stated 'intelligently', shooting at the chandeliers. Itachi sweat-dropped.

"… I have no idea what to do with you anymore…" he muttered.

"Sex?" asked Katana hopefully. Itachi sighed again.

"No. This is your punishment. No sex." He replied forcefully. Katana pouted, and shot at Itachi. He flew back into the wall.

Katana giggled and skipped away. She had a plan to make Itachi want to have sex. Firstly, she summoned a random guy called Bob. He wasn't as good looking as Itachi, but he was still pretty hot.

Then, she put on some black sexy lingerie. She then made Bob strip down to his boxers, and led him to the couch in the living room –which had been miraculously fixed. She then began making out with Bob.

Then, Itachi walked in and his eyes widened. He then glared, activating his Mangekyo Sharingan. Bob disappeared within moments, and Katana turned to Itachi with a giggle.

"Itachi is jealous!" she accused happily, skipping over to him in her lingerie. Itachi's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"… You… Annoying… Idiot…" he hissed, grabbing her by the arm and lifting her over his shoulder.

"YAY! We're gonna have sex!" yelled Katana, her giggles haunting the whole building as they disappeared into his room.

* * *

Itachi: ... Why would I get jealous of her sleeping with some idiot called Bob?! I don't like her!!!

Katana: Heehee, Deidara's getting punished by a dominatrix. Who is the dominatrix, Torako-chan?! WHEEEEEE!! -bombs Deidara's room-

Me: Haha, you'll see in the next chapter.

Itachi: ... Why can't you write a story about me and you, instead...? Why does it have to be THAT idiot?!

Me: It's weird to write a story about myself. I would never ever do it. =) Sorry. And it has to be 'that idiot' because it's funny. Now, shut up. Or I'll let her rape you.

Katana: YAY! SEX!

Pain: WTF... I wouldn't get jealous of something accidental... I'm not stupid.

Me: ... Then, there's no fun. Worry not. I'll write a PainXKonan one-shot soon. =3

Sasuke: HAHA! ITACHI, YOU'RE PAIRED WITH A MORON! -nearly dies laughing-

Me: Sasuke... That Yaoi story is nearly ready. -smiles-

Sasuke: o.o I hate you.

Me: Love you, too. =P

Itachi: -ahem- ...

Me: You know what I mean!

Sakura: Sasuke-kun's gonna be in a Yaoi story?! NOOOO!

Me: I'll write a SasuXSaku story, too. -grins-

Sakura: OKAY! CHYA!

Sasuke: ... Why does everyone want to torment me so bad?

Itachi: Because you lack hatred.

Sasuke: ... Shut up...


	8. 8: Christmas Special

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of its characters.**

_A special thanks to __Lexxy- hime__, __Aozame__, __Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat__, __The-New-Akatsuki-Leader__, __beamingatyou__, __Miorochi, Moonlightnin,__ and __Kwolf425__ for their amazing reviews!_

For those of you that don't know what a **Dominatrix** is: a dominating woman (especially one who plays that role in a sadomasochistic sexual relationship)

* * *

"JINGLE BELLS! BATMAN SMELLS! ROBIN LAID AN EGG!" sang Katana loudly as she ran around the Akatsuki Hide-Out. She was wearing a Santa Hat with green shades and throwing mistle-toe all over the place.

Itachi sighed and just watched her. He knew by now there was nothing he could do. Besides, it was Christmas. He was going to let her do whatever she wanted today. And then continue trying to control her the next day. Not that it mattered. Katana was impossible to control. IMPOSSIBLE.

Katana was laughing maniacally for no reason and spinning around in circles as she was now shooting all over the place with red and green paint and making them explode white goo.

"THE BATMOBILE LOST ITS WHEEL! AND JOKER GOT AWAY! HEY!"

Itachi massaged his temples. Just as he felt like he was going to kill somebody, the door opened… Deidara crawled in. Itachi stifled a chuckle at Deidara's attire. He was wearing only a pair of black leather shorts… And he was on a leash. He looked hilarious. The one holding the leash was a tall, slender woman with large breasts and long black, wavy hair. She wore a pair of black spandex pants with platform boots of the same material. She also wore a black leather corset-top and black gloves going up to her elbows. There was a black whip in her hand. She walked in gracefully, holding Deidara on a leash. Katana spotted them and laughed harder.

"HAHA! DEIDARA IS OWNED BY A DOMINATRIX!" she laughed, a few unladylike snorts finding their way into her laughter. Itachi's eye twitched. Why the hell did he like Katana, exactly…?

"Mistress Lin…" came another voice. Everyone turned to look at Hidan.

"Hidan, baby… Come over here…" whispered Mistress Lin seductively. Hidan drooled and almost 'flew' over to her. He kneeled down in front of her while Deidara anime-cried on the floor, crying out to Katana to save him. She merely ignored him while shooting stuff.

Mistress Lin straddled Hidan, running her hands through his hair and then smirking at him.

"Hidan, you know what you have to do." she commanded. He nodded and turned around, so she was now on his back.

"Yes, Mistress Lin." he said obediently. He was now giving her a horse-ride around the room, with Deidara still on a leash. Katana gasped in happiness.

"I WANNA! I WANNA!" she squealed, glomping Mistress Lin. Mistress Lin screeched as Katana was now sitting on her back.

"GO, HORSEY! GO!" she yelled, and Mistress Lin glared up at her, pushing her off.

"Who the hell is this?" she hissed. Katana shot the ceiling and blew it up. Mistress Lin narrowed her eyes.

"This idiot is the infamous Katana?!" she exclaimed. Itachi nodded wearily. This was getting ridiculous.

"Katana, please. It's Christmas. You can have one thing you want for Christmas, as long as you don't blow anything else up for today." reasoned Itachi. Katana stared, then grinned.

"I wanna be raped by Itachi." she decided. Itachi's eyes widened at how easily she could say something like that. "And then I wanna watch Mistress Lin do a chicken dance."

"You can only have one thing, Katana." reminded Itachi. Katana held up her gun. "Okay, fine. Two. But that's all." Katana grinned and ran around happily, before watching Mistress Lin reluctantly perform a chicken dance. Katana squealed happily and threw glue on her and Hidan. Deidara somehow managed to escape through all this and was now wearing a Santa costume.

"… I wanna rape Mistress Lin…" stated Hidan, carrying her upstairs. Mistress Lin protested angrily.

"What the hell?! I'm the dominatrix! I do the raping~!!!" she yelled as they disappeared. Katana looked at Itachi expectantly.

"Come on, let's go get raped!" she squealed happily. Itachi sighed and dragged her away.

On the other side of the manor, Pain and Konan were eating dinner and having a real Christmas celebration together…

Merry Christmas. x x x

* * *

Itachi: WTF?! That had absolutely nothing to do with Christmas!

Deidara: I feel so violated, un... ='(

Me: Suck it up, Dei-chan. =P

Deidara: ... -puppy eyes-

Me: Alright, as an apology, you get a nice mini-series. How's that?

Deidara: -sniffles- Okay...

Itachi: ...? Don't I get a mini-series...?

Me: You have this... -wide smile-

Itachi: ... ? This is hardly counted as a story...

Me: =( Meanie.

Itachi: I want a mini-series.

Me: Maybe. I'll think about it.

Itachi: That's all I ask, love.

Me: Merry Christmas! =D


	9. 9: Oddness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of its characters.**

_A special thanks to __Lexxy- hime__, __Aozame__, __Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat__, __The-New-Akatsuki-Leader__, __beamingatyou__, __Miorochi, Moonlightnin, Kwolf425, and wolfen princess14 for their amazing reviews._

* * *

"Merg-berg-cherg-derg-nerg!" said Katana, staring up at the ceiling angrily. She was pouting. Itachi stared down at her, refusing to back down.

"I'm only doing what's best," he said emotionlessly, holding her paint gun in her hand. She stood up and pointed angrily at him.

"YOU BUBBLE-MOON! I'M GONNA GO HAVE SEX WITH DEIDARA NOW!" she yelled, taking out a water-balloon and throwing it at Itachi.

Itachi glared as she 'flew' away.

"Have sex with Deidara…? I think not…" he hissed possessively.

Katana ran up to Deidara's room, wearing her black sexy lingerie. Deidara started drooling.

"KATANA, UN! I KNEW YOU'D COME AROUND, YEAH!" he anime-cried. Katana smirked and threw a water balloon at him.

"We're only pretending to have sex," she declared. Deidara sighed.

"WHY, un?! I really wanna have sex with you!" he whined, his voice practically begging her to sleep with him. Katana locked his door and threw him roughly on to the bed. Deidara hit his head on the bed post and nearly fainted.

"Ouch, un! You're so rough, Katana-chan!" he whined as Katana jumped on top of him.

She began poking him in the forehead.

"Pretend I'm sexing you!" she commanded.

Itachi watched from the dark corners of Deidara's room as Katana poked his forehead.

_I was jealous over nothing... Wait, is that black sexy black lingerie?!_ Itachi stepped out of the shadows, glaring viciously at both Deidara and Katana.

"Katana..." he hissed. The two turned to look at him. Katana grinned happily.

"Can I have my gun back now?" she asked stupidly. Deidara gulped nervously.

"Don't kill me, un!" he exclaimed. Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"You cannot have your gun back," he snapped, breaking the gun in half. Katana roared in anger, before giggling cutely as she took out another gun.

"Oh well. I still have this!" she chirped, shooting all over the place.

She ran out of Deidara's room, still in her lingerie, and went over to Pain and Konan's room. She smiled at Pain.

"Konan had sex with Deidara!" she chirped, before running out.

She shot all over the place, occasionally aiming at Zetsu.

That is when Tobi walked in. He had endured this long enough.

He left a trail of doughnuts leading to his room. Katana followed them, gobbling the doughnuts, and then appeared in Tobi's room.

"TOBI!" she screeched, shooting at the ceiling. Tobi removed his mask...

... And ended up being shot by the gun while Katana skipped out happily, singing to herself.

* * *

Itachi: ... I don't CARE! She BELONGS with Deidara! GEEZ!

Me: Err, no. She's with you, Itachi. ;)

Itachi: ... No, you're with me.

Katana: BOOM!

Me: Um... No... I'm with... Er... (looks around) Hidan!

Hidan: Hey, baby...

Itachi: -glaring intensely- Torako...

Hidan: (spots Itachi) I was kidding! o.o

Me: -smirks- Whatcha gonna do, I-ta-chi...?

Itachi: -looks at Hidan- Kill. -looks at Torako- Punish.

Me: XD You're insane.

Itachi: You love it.

Me: ... Oh, hush. -blushes-

Itachi: -smirks-

Sasuke: Get a room. -rolls eyes- Or rather, go rape Katana.

Naruto: Or, go rape Sasuke! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me: -giggles-

Itachi: -glares at Naruto-

Sasuke: -glares at Naruto-

Naruto: Hehehehe! -gets chased by the Uchiha brothers-

Me: -sighs- Weirdos.

Hidan: Itachi's not here, now. Let's make out.

Mistress Lin: AHEM.

Hidan: o.o Kidding!


	10. 10: Kill Katana

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of its characters.**

_A special thanks to __Lexxy- hime__, __Aozame__, __Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat__, __The-New-Akatsuki-Leader__, __beamingatyou__, __Miorochi,__Moonlightnin__, __Kwolf425__, __wolfen princess14__, and __9shadowcat9__ for their amazing reviews. _

_And much love and thanks to all my readers! _

* * *

Katana was running around the living room. Mistress Lin was staring at her with immense hatred.

How on EARTH did the girl manage to live despite how much she annoyed everyone?

The Akatsuki had to spend so much money fixing up everything she damaged.

Not to mention, Kakuzu was furious with Katana because it was mainly HIS money being used to pay for everything she destroyed.

Even Hidan was getting angry with Katana, because she insisted on blowing him up every time she saw him.

To be quite honest, only Deidara and Itachi could stand this idiot.

So… What was stopping Mistress Lin from getting rid of her once and for all?

Mistress Lin smirked to herself.

… Katana would die. Mistress Lin would make sure of it.

"Katana-chan?" she called out, her voice sickly sweet. Katana appeared in front of her, a huge grin on her face.

"MEET-MEET!" she exclaimed, the volume of her voice making Mistress Lin's hair blow back.

"… Ano… Would you come with me for a moment?" she asked, forcing a smile on her face. Katana nodded.

"OKAY!" she yelled, jumping up and down maniacally.

Mistress Lin inwardly smirked.

Katana's idiocy would lead to her doom.

Mistress Lin led Katana to the kitchen, secretly picking up a knife and hiding it behind her back.

"NE! NE! WHORE-CHAN?! WHAT'S UP?!" exclaimed Katana.

_Whore-san…? THAT BITCH! I'm a dominatrix! Totally different! _

Mistress Lin forced a smile, hiding her inner anger. She suddenly took out the knife.

"I'm going to kill you," she whispered. Katana stared at her.

Mistress Lin frowned.

"Say something, Bitch!" she yelled.

Katana continued staring.

Mistress Lin was getting very, very angry.

"I'm about to kill you, and all you can do is stare-"

Mistress Lin was cut off...

Katana had whipped out her gun and shot her in the face, rendering Mistress Lin unconscious… Until she collapsed on to the very knife she was carrying.

Mistress Lin was dead.

Katana cackled and skipped out of the room. She saw Hidan.

"I KILLED WHORE-LIN-PERSON!" she sang, skipping away.

Hidan stared after her and began crying.

"Noooooooooo!"

* * *

Itachi: Damn it. Why wasn't Lin successful?!

Hidan: Noooooo! Mistress Lin!!!! T.T

Me: ... Ehehe... Awkward...

Hidan: WHY?! WHY DID SHE DIE?!

Mistress Lin: Yeah, why did I die?! -angry-

Hidan: MISTRESS LIN!

Me: You only died in the story. GEEZ. Besides, you were originally only supposed to appear in ONE chapter. So, yeah... I had to get rid of you somehow.

Itachi: ... Evil... -smirks-

Me: -smirks back- Chyeah.

Mistress Lin: Fair enough. So, I won't be here anymore?

Hidan: ... MEAN!

Me: Yeah, you won't. This is your last appearance. I'll make a GOOD OC for you soon, Hidan. IF you get the hell over Lin, that is.

Hidan: I'M OVER HER! I want my OC!!!!!!

Me: WAIT. Deidara's story must finish first. THEN you can have your OC.

Itachi: And when do I get a serious story?

Me: ... When every other story I've planned is finished... :)

Itachi: Cruel woman.

Me: Yeah, yeah. :p I'm hugging my Itachi plushie right now.

Itachi: Hehe... ;)


	11. 11: Katana's End

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto/Naruto Shippuuden or any of its characters.**

_A special thanks to __Lexxy- hime__, __Aozame__, __Kit 'Kitsune' Soldat__, __The-New-Akatsuki-Leader__, __beamingatyou__, __Miorochi,__Moonlightnin__, __Kwolf425__, __wolfen princess14__, and __9shadowcat9__ for their amazing reviews. _

_And much love and thanks to all my readers! _

_THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER! I GOT BORED OF THIS STORY, SO I'M ENDING IT NOW!_

* * *

Pain stared down at the crazy new addition to Akatsuki, trying not to smack her as she grinned and bounced up and down on her chair.

"WHEEEE~!" she sang.

Itachi sighed as he noticed the Leader's anger and came over to give Katana a big kiss. She giggled.

"SEX!"

Pain suddenly smirked; he had a plan.

"Itachi. Go have sex with Katana."

Itachi's eyes momentarily widened, before he looked down at the eager girl.

He sighed.

"Understood."

He dragged Katana off by the arm.

***

Six hours later, Katana stood in front of the Leader of Akatsuki.

"Hmm…? CHEEEEESE!"

Pain smirked.

"You want cake?"

"BOY, OH BOY!" she squealed, shooting around with her paint gun.

Pain's eye twitched.

"Here, have some candy too…"

Katana squealed in happiness and ate them all in one go.

_Just as I predicted._ Pain smirked.

Suddenly, Katana began convulsing.

"I'M MELTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She then fell on her face.

Hidan walked in with a smirk.

"Can I sacrifice her now?"

"Be my guest."

And that was how Katana's crazy life came to an end.

Itachi got over her after a month.

* * *

Itachi: Thank goodness. -.-

Me: I'll be writing a real Itachi story at one point.

Itachi: THANK YOU!

Orochimaru: Kukukuku... You've also started on a story for me, child, haven't you...?

Me: Yeah. :)

Orochimaru: Kukuku... Good girl...

Deidara: CONTINUE WITH MINE, UN!

Me: Be patient!!!!!!

Naruto: That's the end of that, -ttebayo!


End file.
